Fine. Go Ahead and Call Me a Hypochondriac.

Today I went to the ER because my leg was turning blue.

It reminded me of the day I went into the doctor's office - for the second time, the first time having been misdiagnosed - with a brown recluse spider bite. Of course, by the time he actually got the diagnosis right, it was too late to treat it. "But doctor," said I, "my leg is turning blue." Yes, yes it is. "Might it fall off?" He didn't know. (That's when I went to the naturopathic doctor, was hooked up to an echinacea IV, was prescribed insane amounts of Vitamin C, and put charcoal powder on the bite. In a day or two, my leg looked as good as new. Whew! Crisis averted!)

Anyway, this is the memory that came to mind as I nervously surveyed my leg this morning, noticing it's apparent blue-ishness. HOWEVER, I did just dye my hair on Tuesday. And I took a shower on Wednesday morning. And sometimes the dye from your hair comes off in the shower, and I guess it could stick to your skin. Of course, in this case it would just be on the inner part of my right knee and calf. It seems a little isolated, don't you think?

I went to Friday morning Bible study, despite the blue, but did call my doctor and leave a message. While at Bible study, I showed the girls my leg. There were gasps and worried expressions. My friend Julie told me to go see a doctor. I told her about the dye. She said it could be a blood clot. That scared me. She said, "Christine, you need to go to the doctor. Micah needs his mother. It's better to be safe than sorry." Thank you Julie. (I know it's just because you love me!)

My doctor's nurse called back and said that my doctor is sick today and all of the other doctors are full, but I must definitely go the ER.

SO it was shaping up to be a stellar Friday!

My mother took Micah, and it was a good thing too! Because it wasn't ten minutes after I got there (Jerry Springer raging in the background), that a very angry lady and a very angry nurse stormed into the waiting area. They were yelling. The angry lady threatened to beat up the doctor, because "he's a bad doctor!" They went outside and angry lady cried. Then they came back inside. The angry lady picked up the phone and threw it! Hospital workers rushed in to her side, speaking in much too chirpy tones,"Could you come with me?", big frozen smiles on their faces. Then they got angry themselves and said that they were going to call the police. "Call the police!" angry lady yelled. One nurse came up to me and told me I was going to have to be a witness. I just sat very still and hid behind Jane Austen's Northanger Abbey. Finally, angry lady stormed away and left. The nurses began to freak out and talk among themselves. I thanked God that Micah was safe at Nona and Papa's! Then, an hour-and-a-half later, though no one else was in the waiting room, they finally saw me, after I went up to the front desk to remind them I was there.

Then I waited an hour in my room for the doctor. They had a machine that automatically took my vitals continuously as I waited for him. When he finally came in, he left five minutes later, "diagnosing" me with hair dye on my leg. At this point, I felt like the biggest moron on the planet, and all I wanted was Micah!

I waited another hour before I was released. The machine kept automatically taking my vitals. I came out every now and then to remind them I was there and ask if I could leave, but they just smiled at me, said "we are working on your paperwork," and patted me back to my hospital bed where I belonged.

Finally, I was tired, hungry, and feeling very idiotic for having wasted four hours at the ER on hair dye. I could hear the nurses talking excitedly in the hallway about the angry lady. I went outside and said, "I've been waiting to be dismissed for an hour."

A nurse looked at me, surprised, and said, "Oh! I thought you left. Here." She opened up a manilla folder. "The doctor diagnosed you with..." (embarassing pause) "...hair dye on your leg. You just need to sign here. If it gets worse in the next 24 hours, please come back and see us. Otherwise, here's your doctor's number."

I'm sure my face turned redder than my leg was blue as I signed the paperwork and tried not to make eye contact with the group of nurses and doctors behind the counter. I don't know if I was ever happier to leave a place in my life!

So girls, IMPORTANT INFORMATION TIDBIT: Sometimes, when you get your hair professionally dyed, some of it may come off on your leg (or arm, or whatEVER)in the shower and make you look a little blue. Don't go to the ER, or I guarantee you'll feel blue too!